Because I gotta have faith?

This beautiful picture of Jersey Shore, USA was taken by my cousin.

                           

I have been wondering if it is possible to live a complete life without believing in something. 

For many years I have read books on spirituality, the law of attraction and positivity. As much as I have evolved since doing this, lately I cannot help but feel I am searching for something I am not going to find. 

Believing in a faith or whatever it is you choose, comes with great responsibility.  The minute you tell people your beliefs they judge you purely on them, whether it may be something you have just discovered or been trying to incorporate for longer. I am especially talking about people who do not even share your beliefs! I have found it hard to live up to my beliefs for this reason. 

I have always believed in God but stopped going to church as I got older.  However, I did start to attend not long ago, and while I found it uplifting and moving, I asked myself if I really needed to be there. I started to go because I just had a feeling. Something was telling me to go.  A few months down the line I needed the support of the church at an important event, and I never received it. I initially thought, they are a church how could they not support me on this? I didn't go back after that.  When the anger dissipated after two weeks, I realised something else was stopping me going back.  I was numb to the idea of returning yet part of me felt I should be there every Sunday. Weeks turned into months and at this point in time I just don't know if it is for me.  All I feel is pressure from others to return.  I thought I needed church to be a better person.  I thought my life would change when I went. I am not sure if it did.  After those couple of weeks of not going I tried to psyche myself up on a Saturday evening to make an effort to go, but I would get up Sunday morning and I just wouldn't.  I see some of the congregation around my town and I swear they are slightly off with me. As if me not going to church has personally affected them. Why do some people with faith view others as lesser beings? 

Before church I had the Universe and the law of attraction. I believed positive things happened if you radiated positive energy and staring negativity in the face with positivity was the only way to combat it.  I have researched these beliefs, read books and been guided by friends who feel the same...but- and this may sound ridiculous-  on Saturday I was on a mission to visit a couple places in central London and I kept finding myself in situations that tested me. A man tried to intimidate me on train,then strangers kept bumping into us as we walked down the road. 2/3 people even knocked into my little people and just walked off! I was so frustrated I just sat down and let my blood boil. And someone send to me 'think positive'. I thought what the hell?! I got up in a wonderful mood with the intention of having a fabulous day and these things have happened to me and I am still meant to think positively. I felt stabbed in the back by the universe. 

While this event may seem insignificant it actually just made me think 'I can't be doing everything wrong!', 'when does the course of events change?!'.  It dawned on me that I have spent so much of my life trying to live a certain way that I actually think it is working against me.  How sad that the very belief that was my salvation should now be what is preventing me from living.  In that moment I decided I am done with it.   In that moment I understood why some people say they believe in nothing. In that moment I decided to stop searching, stay away from the mind body and spirit section in book shops and start LIVING. 

So back to my question, I wonder if you can live a complete life without believing in something? My answer is yes. I came to that conclusion after speaking with a friend who reminded me we can learn from stories of any faith or discovery of life, that it is not just about beliefs but our opinions and attitudes towards life. People grow, people learn, people evolve. 

Funnily enough, I now feel free like a weight have been lifted. I am happy with myself. I am living in the present moment. 

I really appreciate you all reading. Much love x